How to Love Your Dog Its Not What You Think!

Think that your dog likes hugs and kisses? Well if he is like most dogs, then he does not enjoy this type of human affection. Children want to show love to dogs by giving hugs and kisses, because this how they show affection to people they love. Hugs are not a natural form of canine interaction to show affection. To show your dog that you love him, learn to give him the things that he really does like and teach your kids to do the same.

Most dog bites are to children, by the family dog or another dog known to the child. Hugs and kisses are a major cause of facial bites to children. Doggone Safe offers suggestions for safe ways to love your dog that the dog will appreciate.

Children (and adults too) often want to show love to dogs the way we show love to each other, through hugs and kisses. Dogs do not naturally understand this, or even enjoy it. Hugs and face-to-face contact can be very threatening to dogs. The dog may tolerate this for a while, but at some point may bite or snap to protect himself once he has exhausted all his means of more subtle warning. Some dogs do enjoy a hug from a special person, if it is on their terms and done with some extra scratching on the chest. Few, if any dogs enjoy hugs the way young children do this, which is to clasp around the neck and hang on. Parents, teach your children to avoid face-to-face contact with any dog (even their own dog) and to show love to the dog in ways other than hugging and kissing.

Doggone Safe offers the following suggestions for Valentine’s Day about how to love your dog in a way that the dog will appreciate.

Touch Your Dog

• Invite your dog to come to you for attention. If your dog turns away or moves away, respect his wishes and leave him alone. Many dogs like to be near you, but not necessarily to be touched.
• Scratch your dog on the side of the neck or on his chest.
• Avoid hugs and kisses. People enjoy this, but most dogs don’t like hugs and kisses. They might tolerate it, but few actually enjoy it.
• Invite your dog to sit with you while your read or watch TV. Let him lean on you or put his head on your lap on his terms.
• Some dogs enjoy a scratch behind the ears. Most dogs don’t enjoy hands coming down on the top of their heads.
• Pet your dog and then stop. If he tries to get you continue then you will know he likes it.

Play With Your Dog

• Play games like fetch and hide and seek that do not involve chasing or rough play.
• Take your dog for lots of walks.

Understand Your Dog

• Learn to read dog body language so that you can understand what your dog is trying to tell you.
• A happy dog pants and wags his tail loosely. He may wag all over.
• An anxious dog might show a half moon of white in his eye or he may lick his lips or yawn. He may turn his head away or walk away. He wants to be left alone.
• A dog that suddenly goes stiff and still is very dangerous and might be ready to bite.
• A dog with his mouth closed and ears forward and/or with his tail held high is busy thinking about something and does not want to be bothered.

Reward Your Dog

• Look for things your dog does right and give him a treat or praise, petting or play. Never hit or yell at your dog.
• Give your dog a stuffed Kong or Chewber or other long lasting chew treat to enjoy while he lies on a mat or in a crate.

Visit our site to download this information as a handout

Read a previous blog post for more about why dogs dont like hugs and kisses

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How to Help Your Child Emotionally After a Dog Bite

Child psychiatrist Dr. R. Larry Schmitt has been very concerned about the welfare of dog bitten children. Dr. Schmitt has been very helpful to Doggone Safe and to dog bite victims by providing us with information for parents and for spreading the word in the medical community about the importance of emotional support and counseling for dog bite victims.

The typical dog bite on a child hits them at or above their shoulders. Such attacks equate to that of a bear attack on an adult, in terms of the shock, overwhelming fear and residual stress. The emotional impact on the child and the adult is huge. The difference is the adult will talk about their experience until the day they can no longer speak. The child will not talk about it and greatly needs to. This is because the child sees the sad faces of his parents anytime the topic comes up. They remain silent to save their parents from additional grief. So the child keeps this emotion load locked up in his mind. Parents must repeatedly encourage and allow their child to talk about the accident and their feelings.

R. Larry Schmitt, M.D. Child Psychiatrist

Read more in a article by Dr. Schmitt published in the journal Contemporary Pediatrics.

Here are the answers to some frequently asked questions from parents supplied by Dr Schmitt and published at the Doggone Safe website:

How soon after the incident should I start talking to my child about it? 

Immediately! It is important to completely avoid making any comments about your own feelings other than to express your regret that it happened.

How many times per day should we talk about it? 

For the first few days at least twice a day followed by once a day for the following three weeks.

For how long after the incident should we keep talking about it?

Depending on the degree of fright and injury, until the parental waves of guilt are close to flat and/or the child shows easy emotion, not suppressed or keyed up emotion when it is discussed.

What if my child starts to cry? 

Try saying something like, “Wow, I see it really hurts/frightens/upsets you. It is so good for you to let me see how you feel about the dog biting you.”

What if my child withdraws or becomes irritated and refuses to talk? 

This is very likely a sign that it may be time for trauma counseling with a mental health expert.  Say to the child, "Are you worried about how talking about it makes me feel?  If you are, please understand that I am a grown-up and can handle such feelings of being sad because you were injured. This will help you to look at all the feelings that came from that dog attack.”

What if my child insists that he is fine and doesnt want to talk about it anymore?

Reply to the child, “That may be right". (This is true if the parent notes that it has been discussed a great deal with a noticeable decrease in affect/emotion). Then say  “I want to think about it some more.”  Later, if the child still seems reluctant to talk and bothered by the topic,” I notice that any mention of it finds your face changing as if it still hurts.”  “How about drawing a picture of the dog attack scene, before, during and after?”

What kinds of questions or statements can I use to engage my child in a conversation?

In an intact family, observing  parents conversing with each other about the accident and making gentle guesses about how the child thinks and feels about the attack. “I still think about the day when the dog hurt and scared you, do you?”  “Sometimes I feel really mad about that dog biting you.”  “I saw a dog barking at me when I was jogging today. I remembered what happened to you and was scared when the dog barked!”

With teenagers, whose skills in talking about a dog attack are probably closer to that of an adult you might say something like:  “What do your friends say about the dog attack?”;  “How many others at your school have been bitten by dogs?”; “ If you find you are dreaming about the attack or thinking about it a lot and you do not want to, consider this paradox, that talking about it with anyone will reduce such dreams and thoughts.”

What are the signs that my child needs professional help? 

The big ones are decreased success at school, (both socially and academically), lack of pleasure from past enjoyments, and early resistance to speak about the attack. Watch for dog phobia, avoidance of other animals, or the appearance of other new fears and anxieties.

When in doubt seek a mental health consultation and if the parents have doubts about the recommendations/conclusions of that first consultant, seek a second opinion.  Consider an analogous  situation with a post-surgical issue.  The surgeon says they think an abscess developed out of sight with minimal symptoms that if ignored will cause problems later.  Of course, with an x-ray or digital exam it may be evident.   A competent child mental health expert can be expected to probe in an interview and demonstrate an emotional abscess.

What should I look for in a mental health professional?

First, one who works with children; second, one with at least a five-year record in the field; third, a referral from a trusted mental health professional, and most of all, one with whom the parent feels comfortable. I prefer one who works with the child and parents together and spends less time with the child individually. In other words, family oriented therapy.

How do we know when to stop the therapy? 

This obviously varies with the severity, both physical and emotional, of the injury. Assuming the child and family have a positive relationship with a competent therapist, the therapist should suggest when to stop. If the parents are concerned that it is going on too long they should suggest a hiatus of four to eight weeks, observe the child during that time and return for termination in the absence of symptoms. In the typical situation, success comes early, with promoting the child and family to discuss all aspects of the attack and its potential residuals. (2-6 sessions).

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Doggone Safe Coordinator Tonji Stewart Wins Video Contest

We are thrilled to announce that Doggone Safe Eastern Canada Coordinator Tonji Stewart was the co-grand prize winner of the Canis Film Festival. The award was presented at Clicker Expo in Chicago on the weekend. This is an international video contest for clicker trainers and the videos must demonstrate how to teach something using clicker training. The videos are judged on entertainment and teaching value and the winners must demonstrate excellence in the application of clicker training principles in training.

We are very proud of Tonjis accomplishment and her efforts to promote force free training methods that are safe for kids and dogs.

Click here to listen to an interview with Tonji on CBC radio

Click here to see all the winning videos

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Photo Contest Winners! Kids and Dogs 2014

Doggone Safe is pleased to announce the winners of the 2014 Kids and Dogs photo contest. The goal of the contest was to promote images of safe kid/dog moments to provide an alternative to the "cute but dangerous" photos of kids and dogs that are popular on social media. We wanted photos that show a wonderful bond between kids and dogs, where both parties are safe and content and the dog is with the child by choice. We want to show photos in which both the child and the dog are happy, with no hugging, kissing, sitting on the dog or other actions that dogs generally dont like.

We are very grateful for the help of our terrific panel of judges, who had a very difficult job choosing among the amazing group of entries. Thanks to Judy Johns, Tula Asselanis, Lisa Kelderman and Susan Fishbein!

Congratulations to all our winners and thanks to everyone who entered! Click here to see the 65 photos that made it to the semi-finals out of the several hundred entries. Please share your favorites on social media to help spread our child/dog safety messages.

1st Prize: Dana Martin: Sadie and Amelia (also winner of the Grand Prize draw for an ipad from among the top 3 winners from each of our 2 photo contests)

2nd Prize: Emelie Johnson Vegh: Samuel and Scout

3rd Prize: Marie Nolan: Samantha and Jasmine

The rest of the top 11 in no particular order.

Kianna Lindsay

Jenny Osborne

Madeline Gabriel

Pat Gipps

Nancy Canty

Sara McLoudrey

Stacy Greer

Debra Berger

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