Some dog owners insist that their dogs think theyre people. There really could be something to this. When we think that dogs are chasing cars, maybe theyre actually chasing ambulances because they think theyre lawyers. Weve always discouraged dogs from car chasing. Lately, this has become more important than ever with the possibility of your dog catching a Smart car. Obviously, the worst case scenario would be your dog catching a Smart car driven by a lawyer.
Hopefully, you dont live next door to a toy poodle who thinks hes Pavarotti. If people want a pet with a voice that high, why not just get a bird? As a rule of thumb a dogs too small if he has to stand on a phone book to drink from a toilet. Small dogs in posh neighborhoods are so stuck up theyll only drink from a toilet if theres no bidet. If you happen to meet such a dog on the street, be polite. Resist the temptation to ask if hes afraid of real dogs. On the other hand, the advantage of toy poodles is that they can be caught with Velcro.
Maybe the dogs “finding himself” because hes still a puppy. By the way, if youll be house-training him with newspaper, dont forget to clip the coupons first. Some puppies become paper trained very quickly. The real challenge is grasping the difference between newspaper and wallpaper.
Pet dentistry is getting very popular. It may be hard to take it seriously if youre still trying to get your kids to brush after meals, but your vet will expect you to brush your dogs teeth. Couldnt somebody just invent a fluoride Frisbee?
Regardless of who your dog thinks he is, youll probably want to train him. If youre teaching him to catch, you may want to start with pieces of liver. Some people can put a biscuit on their dogs nose, and the dog wont take it till the owner gives a spoken signal. Initially, this works better if the dogs sleeping. Dogs can also be taught conditioned response. At the sound of a bell, they salivate. At the sound of a bath running, they actually spit. Most dogs have the ability to eat on command, which is not great if thats all there is to show from the $200 spent at obedience school. But its worth some effort, because a smart dog will bring you a paper every day. A really smart dog will get it from next door.
Dogs will definitely learn, though. When a dog wants to go for a walk, he gets his leash. When he wants to eat, he lights the barbecue. Dogs like people food, but it shouldnt become a habit. If youre a good cook, your dog will beg. If youre a bad cook hell beg, specifically to go for a walk. You know you burned a burger badly when you drop it on patio stones and the dog puts it back on your plate with his paws.
There may come a time when you decide on some family planning for your canine Casanova. Unless your dogs a part of a controlled breeding environment, youll probably want to get him neutered. Dogs seem to be able to understand a great deal of what we say, so if youre in front of him, dont refer to him as being “fixed.” After all from his point of view, he was never “broken.” If you want to be sensitive to his condition, you could refer to his surgical alteration as his “vasectomy.”
People who love their dogs demonstrate it by buying toys, clothes and specialty food for them. But know when to draw the line. Love your dog, but dont throw him birthday parties. Hell just think youre a jerk for only remembering every seventh one.
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